Slogan: Sense of Self ~ Myself


Hye Folks,
This has been another very long dry spell. It has been a very crazy busy time. After I got off that last message I received a phone message from my manager to say that I was to be laid off, it was a blow of sorts, but more importantly, it used up all my energy for all this time.

I have received the music books from my teacher in Kelowna and did start to work from them, but eventually I needed to curtail most activity in order to get my job wound up so the office could close for the move.

I have been in a negative mood since the last day, which was a good party, it told me that I was appreciated more than I had ever realized. I was completely unsure how I felt about what my life was going to be like. Then, I received a phone call.

A call from my sister, she has had problems in her life also, but the way she handled it ~ all the trouble ~ is so admirable. This person who I always saw a a fragile person has strength that I was never aware of was able to pull herself back from the depths of despair and go on for only herself. I listened to so many things she had to say about how she gets up every day and goes thru her days, and I heard it all. Now, I am trying to figure out how to live what she makes sound more attractive than my own flawed thinking.

I am very proud to call her my sister, I have always wanted to be like her, seen what she does as being important, worthwhile. I think I need to start doing more to give my own life as much meaning. This is the catalyst that will give meaning to my life. She doesn't wait for others to take care of her, she makes it happen. In some ways we have lived the same sort of lives, but she was able not to feel like the loser that I have always seen myself. These days her life is small, she has a job, she leads a quiet life with very little socializing, takes care of her granddaughter every other week, her daughter lives with her.

LIST OF CHANGES IN THINKING
~ Be true to myself
~ Be present
~ Create routines for myself
~ Create a level of comfort for myself
~ Don't live in fear
~ Do what it takes . . .
~ I'd rather do it myself
~ Self control and composure

I'm not saying that I'm going to accomplish all this overnight and become this new whole person tomorrow, but I am going to follow this list to discover what there is that I internalize and take on as new attitudes. My sister is able to reach my heart and spirit and make me want to change and live a more courageous life more than anyone else who thinks they know the answers. I don't know why, but I am just going to go with it.


Well, this has been a very long missive, so all I can say is . . .

Thanks for listening,

Meg