Slogan: Sense of Self ~ Myself

Hye folks,
I'm not sure how well I'm doing with the list but I have it in my journal and keep referring to it, like its some sort of living thing. I have been trying to figure out some ideas to get me back in the groove. One that I came up with is to go back to my hypnosis to relax and visualize myself working with both hands on the harp properly. Sometimes its hard for me to get out of my work to get a job and make sure that I am doing all the right things about that and just look around to see what else there is to do, either for housework or leisure.

Today I got into one of the books Caroline sent me and I played a couple of things that I used to know and I am having to go back to them just like they are brand new. But, at least I've got em. I am taking myself right back to the beginning to start learning the very simple songs in two hands. This seems to be an issue that I keep coming back to so I might as well just go to work on and try to create some structure for this feature and focus on it with my hypnosis sessions. You are supposed to do them 5 times a day for a few minutes, but at the moment I am working on first thing in the morning, after lunch, at bedtime after I read. I have no idea how I used to do it 5X with kids and a job.

I started this writing too late and my mind is wandering, so it must be bedtime. I'm going to say good night for now.

Thanks for listening,

Meg

Slogan: Sense of Self ~ Myself

Hye Folks,
Here I am back again, it is a couple of days later and I have not really followed my list very well. Its amazing how tired I am. I fall asleep so easily after waking up from a full night's sleep and being awake for a couple of hours - Bam! I'm dozing off again. Not much has changed, I still drink the same amount of coffee, eat the same sorts of foods, do my light type of activities. Going to work would mean I spent a lot of time on the computer during the day. I am not journaling or doing AMPages, nor am I responding to the TAW group.

There is no harp playing going on, I am getting some wierd new insights to think on and quote in my writing. I have wanted time like this to sit down and work on my interests with no big interuptions for a while now, and now that its here I'm not working on it and doing the little things that will make my life better, more comfortable. I seem to be watching lots of TV again so I need to have activities to do that will take up my time during the commercials. Find a show and watch it and during the ads work on harp playing, reading current book, journal on my day so far. I also have to get the list that I created in this week's blog entry. The inconvenience of being inconvenienced is a theme that runs thru my thoughts regularly at this time. I'm not going to give up on this or myself, rather I am going to give myself new ways to try creating a routine.

Thanks for listening,

Meg

Slogan: Sense of Self ~ Myself


Hye Folks,
This has been another very long dry spell. It has been a very crazy busy time. After I got off that last message I received a phone message from my manager to say that I was to be laid off, it was a blow of sorts, but more importantly, it used up all my energy for all this time.

I have received the music books from my teacher in Kelowna and did start to work from them, but eventually I needed to curtail most activity in order to get my job wound up so the office could close for the move.

I have been in a negative mood since the last day, which was a good party, it told me that I was appreciated more than I had ever realized. I was completely unsure how I felt about what my life was going to be like. Then, I received a phone call.

A call from my sister, she has had problems in her life also, but the way she handled it ~ all the trouble ~ is so admirable. This person who I always saw a a fragile person has strength that I was never aware of was able to pull herself back from the depths of despair and go on for only herself. I listened to so many things she had to say about how she gets up every day and goes thru her days, and I heard it all. Now, I am trying to figure out how to live what she makes sound more attractive than my own flawed thinking.

I am very proud to call her my sister, I have always wanted to be like her, seen what she does as being important, worthwhile. I think I need to start doing more to give my own life as much meaning. This is the catalyst that will give meaning to my life. She doesn't wait for others to take care of her, she makes it happen. In some ways we have lived the same sort of lives, but she was able not to feel like the loser that I have always seen myself. These days her life is small, she has a job, she leads a quiet life with very little socializing, takes care of her granddaughter every other week, her daughter lives with her.

LIST OF CHANGES IN THINKING
~ Be true to myself
~ Be present
~ Create routines for myself
~ Create a level of comfort for myself
~ Don't live in fear
~ Do what it takes . . .
~ I'd rather do it myself
~ Self control and composure

I'm not saying that I'm going to accomplish all this overnight and become this new whole person tomorrow, but I am going to follow this list to discover what there is that I internalize and take on as new attitudes. My sister is able to reach my heart and spirit and make me want to change and live a more courageous life more than anyone else who thinks they know the answers. I don't know why, but I am just going to go with it.


Well, this has been a very long missive, so all I can say is . . .

Thanks for listening,

Meg